Ich liebe jene ersten bangen Zärtlichkeiten,
die halb noch Fragen sind und halb schon Anvertraun,
weil hinter ihnen schon die andern Stunden schreiten,
die sich wie Pfeiler wuchtend in das Leben baun.
Ein Duft sind sie; des Blutes flüchtigste Berührung,
ein rascher Blick, ein Lächeln, eine leise Hand
sie knistern schon wie rote Funken der Verführung
und stürzen Feuergarben in der Nächte Brand.
Und sind doch seltsam süß, weil sie im Spiel gegeben,
noch sanft und absichtslos und leise nur verwirrt,
wie Bäume, die dem Frühlingswind entgegenbeben,
der sie in seiner harten Faust zerbrechen wird.
Liebe Rosina, das ist mit Abstand eines der zärtlichsten und schönsten Gedichte, darum solltest du unbedingt die sinnentstellenden Schreibfehler korrigieren!
AntwortenLöschenEs heißt "...die sich wie Pfeiler in das Leben bau'n",nicht "Pfeile".
Im Kreuzreim darüber muss es dann auch "Anvertrau'n" heißen, damit das Versmaß eingehalten ist. Mit Sicherheit kommt auch ein Komma vor dem Anschluss mit "weil" - und kein Punkt; einen Kausalsatz allein hätte Zweig nie stehen lassen.(Und wenn....dann habe ich eben Unrecht!)
Außerdem heißt es "Feuergarben" - mit Feuergräben hat das nichts zu tun - "...in der Nächte Brand". Liebe und Sehnsucht brennen nämlich wirklich... und in diese brennende Sehnsucht wird durch die Erinnerung an die leisen Gesten auch noch einmal Feuer geworfen, als wenn man getrocknete Getreidegarben (gibt's heute auf den Feldern nicht mehr) angezündet hätte. "Entgegenbeben" dann in einem Wort. - Vor " noch sanft und absichtslos..." kommt mit Sicherheit im Original ein Komma, da der Anschluss sonst nicht sehr sinnvoll ist. -
Das wunderschöne Gedicht hat diese Korrektur verdient, danach kannst du meinen Kommentar gern löschen.
Es ist immer schön zu sehen, dass andere Leute auch so gern Gedichte mögen.
Liebe Grüße, Marianne
Hallo, Marianne,
AntwortenLöschendieser Blog lag leider schon lange brach, danke, dass Du mich mit Deinem Kommentar dran erinnert hast. Ich hoffe, dass das Gedicht jetzt so richtig ist - erstaunlich wie viele verschiedene Varianten durchs www geistern. - Werde hier nach unserem Urlaub mal ein bisschen aufräumen und evtl. auch wieder posten.
Grüße zurück, Bettina
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